Wednesday, November 10
repro came out. bacteria didn't really. damn. anyway i don't wanna think about it anymore. i've lost 11+7+8 marks. already. damn. oh who cares, what the hell, the only thing that hurts is that i was praying so hard during the paper, i kept saying please God tell me what's the name of the chamber that's above the ventricle.. i know it starts with an a.. tell me God. and he didn't. 1 hr 45 mins of that. i think he got sick of it. then everything else. oh kill me, someone.
does it break your heart to see me crying? do you ever regret what you've said, and done? would you fight for my honour, right my wrongs? are you the knight in shining armor i've always dreamt of? i wish someone would come riding on a white horse and just sweep me off my feet and to some castle far, far away. i know i keep trying to convince myself i don't believe in fairytales anymore, but how come the stuff that touch me the most always have to do with fairytale analogies?
and in the course of a lifetime, would this matter? would any of this matter? would i remember any of this? would i even care? would i laugh at my sixteen-year-old self, would i laugh at our naivety? gen told me today that she was looking over her sec1 journal.. and she found an entry for orientation that said 'jean and i had a lot of fun screaming at mel to stop moving'.. the thing is.. i can't even remember them screaming at me! but i guess if there'd be anyone to wriggle on the paper yeah it'd be me. hahhahaha. remember? that game? where you stand on sheets of paper that keep getting folded? well. thanks for screaming at me, and remembering it. cos.. i don't.. not really.. but one thing i know for sure. i'm very glad for what happened four years ago. when i stepped into school, and the first friends i made are the ones that have lasted through the years. the first people i talked to were you. jean jan gen. chris was later. and remember in sec2 i said i wanted to be able to tell my kids that all of us went through sec sch together? guess what. it's ending, but we've achieved it. thanks for making me the person i am now. you rubbed off my rough edges. you brought out my less tense, less intense and more normal side. and when i went nuts you still cared for me. we never did fight, did we? the only time jean and i fought was because of a mistake i made. i still remember that. she was pissed that i was pissed that my mum was pissed that i was getting f9 for chinese all the way. hey we didn't know then that i was monolingual right? so yeah we screamed at each other in frustration for 10 mins, then cried and hugged and everything was okay. everything's so simple when you're younger huh. wonder if we could pull off that scream-cry-hug sequence in 10 mins now. i hope so, but i don't wanna fight with you again. it makes me feel like a useless piece of dung. and. in the course of a lifetime, this, our friendships, would matter more than anything in the world. more than o levels. i won't ever regret this. ever.
it must've been love.
6:31 pm
xoxo
